Friday, 29 March 2019

A little light relief from Brexit.

Some of my readers will be familiar with the fact that I am a Bentley owner and belong to The Bentley Drivers Club but I am also a member of the Rolls Royce Enthusiasts Club which also caters for Bentley owners.

I received the monthly RREC magazine this morning and within were the following two amusing anecdotes which I quickly copied which I hope will give a little light relief from Brexit!

Unfortunately my computer skills are so rubbish I could find no way to enlarge it sufficiently as to be able to read it properly so I have retyped it for you.


SOME LIGHT RELIEF.

Why women make better assassins.


The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing was done, there were three finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her."

The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never kill my wife."

The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing and banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow.

"The gun was loaded with blanks," she said. "So I had to kill him with the chair."


Steve Thomas.


WONDERFULLY BRITISH.

In a train from London to Manchester, an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.

"The trouble with you English is that you are too stuffy."

You set yourselves apart too much.

You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us.

Look at me; "I have a little Italian in me, a bit of Greek blood, a little Irish and some Spanish blood."

"What do you say to that?"

The Englishman lowered his newspaper and replied. "How very sporting of your mother."


Dave Brooks.




Tuesday, 26 March 2019

Leisure.

I wish I could say I am writing this at my leisure but sadly not, I am writing this firstly as the your-daily-word-prompt and also as an exercise to see if I can convince Wordpress to play nicely with Blogger.

The image I have uploaded is just to give a feel to the word leisure for surely to an Englishman an afternoon asleep in his shed having read a good book with the radio tuned to Her Majesty's Radio Four is to many the peak of leisurely activity.

 Image result for man in deckchair in shed

Yet again another highlight of leisurely pastimes especially for the British is a day watching cricket on the village green, to an Englishman there are few things as satisfying as the sound of leather on willow and then topped off with a couple of pints of beer in the pub afterwards.

 Image result for village cricket match

However much as these wonderful images of leisure are a feast for the eyes, the main purpose of this blog is to endeavour to make the link I have attached below go to the place I intend it to go to and to this end it is the only pingback in this post.

If this doesn't end up going to your-daily-word-prompt it will confirm my suspicions that Wordpress and Blogger do not have the ability to play nicely together.  

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/26/your-daily-word-prompt-leisure-march-26-2019/

Monday, 25 March 2019

Politician of the decade.

I wonder if being a good politician is a teachable skill, looking round the world I somehow doubt it as most of them are absolutely useless, we have our lot in Great Britain who seem unable to organise a cocktail party in an off licence.

Mr Trump who I personally wouldn't trust as far as I could throw him, Africa where it seems all of them are as bent as a nine bob note, Venezuela where the place is awash with oil and yet the population are starving, in Russia they have the dictator Putin and finally to name but a few in Syria we have Bashar-al-Assad who thinks nothing of gassing his population to death. What a fine bunch of "politicians" they are. It's only recently I realised "politician" was a euphemism.

Then last week after the tragic events in New Zealand where in a horrific attack on a mosque in Christchurch 50 people were killed when a crazed gunman ran amok with a semi automatic rifle.

Image result for semi automatic rifle
I believe these guns are sometimes called hunting rifles, although Lord only knows why you would need what is effectively a high powered machine gun for hunting unless you want to take out an entire herd of wildebeest in one go.

However the events afterwards caused my heart to fly on gossamer wings when within a week the Prime Minister of New Zealand took the appropriate steps to ban these guns altogether and it is for this reason that I would suggest that Jacinda Ardern is the Politician of the decade.

Tuesday, 19 March 2019

Your Daily Word Prompt, Besmirch.


I was actually prompted to write this post when I read a post by Pensivity 101 called God's Waiting Room where she was bemoaning the service from her local doctor and my reply became longer than intended so I decided to use it as a post instead.

I am not going to besmirch my local doctor's service as I don't have to use it too often, however getting a repeat prescription on time is like getting blood from a stone.

Image result for bleeding stone

I'm lucky in that I only have the one check up per year, I think they only call you in to check you're alive but my biggest problem with the doctors is getting repeat prescriptions.

They have a dispensary on site so in the old days you would put your prescription in the box on the counter and two or at the most three days later your medicine would be ready.

Over the years it now takes longer and longer for the medicine to be ready and I now do it on line as it seems to be a little better organised but it still takes about seven working days and if you forget to calculate the non working days into the equation it takes even longer.

If it continues like this I can see having to go and pick up the monthly medicine and go straight home and order the next moth just to be sure you will get it in time.

Very frustrating but I suppose we have to be philosophical and compare it to other countries in the world where they can't get any medicine at all.

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/19/your-daily-word-prompt-besmirch-march-19-2019/

Thursday, 14 March 2019

Brexit politicians, they couldn't organise a cocktail party in an off licence.

They say power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely and whilst most of our current politicians are not outwardly corrupt they are more than happy to corrupt the facts concerning Brexit.

Here are two who I happened to hear on the television this morning who were blaming the current Brexit situation for the poor state of sales in the car factories in their constituency.


                       Image result for caroline spelman                                   Image result for jack dromey

These two fine politicians are the Conservative MP Caroline Spelman and the Labour MP Jack Dromey who have the Land Rover and Jaguar car plants in their respective constituencies.

Whilst it is true that Land Rover and Jaguar sales have declined recently I would suggest the blame for the fall in sales especially of diesel vehicles lies with the politicians who have recently brought in the ULEZ (Ultra Low Emission Zone) which charges vehicles £12.50 a day.

The politicians who have changed company car tax and have introduced parking surcharges for diesel cars and are aiming for a total ban on diesel cars in London by 2025, leading to a complete ban of diesel cars by 2040.

I think it fair to say that the current state of the Brexit negotiations has had no effect on current car sales, however the punitive, taxes, surcharges and intended bans on diesels has had a very great effect on new car sales.

It seems a little hypocritical for these two politicians to blame Brexit when clearly the problem is caused by Parliament and the MP's within that house, (including these two) who are bringing in this punitive legislation.

When will politicians ever learn the electorate are not stupid, we can see right through you so stop bullshitting!


I was going to post this on my other blog, The Diary of a Country Bumpkin but I wanted to see if I could make pingbacks work from this site, I look forward to assessing the results! 

Saturday, 9 March 2019

The Weekend Writing Prompt #96 Seashore.




Seashore.

I must go down to the sea again,
to the beautiful sea and the sky,
I left my shoes and socks there,
I wonder if they're dry.

I went back down to the seashore,
but the sea was lapping the beach,
I then waded as far as I was able,
but my shoes had floated out of reach.




Friday, 8 March 2019

Daily Word Press Nobility.

I have been prompted to use this post again as it's ideal for the subject of nobility which is the subject for today's Daily Word Prompt and also to test my new found skills in creating pingbacks, although I am uncertain if this Blogger site will pingback to a Wordpress site, we shall see.

I have a confession, due to a joke which I first shared with my friends some time in the 1980’s, I have been masquerading as a Lord. This was originally started due to my being adopted when I was one year old and as many adopted people I had delusions of grandeur and was always waiting for my birth father The Marquis of Bath to turn up and bestow the county of Berkshire upon me. Needless to say he never came, but the Lord Joe Wells stuck.
I am proud to announce that I am no longer a charlatan as I have been awarded a Lordship from the Principality of Sealand, an old wartime fort off the English coast far enough out to be in international waters which has declared itself a principality.
Here is a copy of my registration deed as proof.

https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/08/your-daily-word-prompt-nobility-march-8-2019/

Saturday, 2 March 2019

Daily Word Prompt, Magic.

I rather fancy having a go at todays word prompt and the main reason for this if I'm not mistaken is the fact that the link to pingback is included in the question.

If I have not got the wrong end of the stick all I have to do is place the text in my post and as if by magic it will pingback to wherever it's supposed to go.

I have mentioned on numerous occasions that I am completely useless at creating pingbacks and now I find one included with the prompt, why I'm forced to ask doesn't everyone do this.

Well, that's my post on magic and a little rant on pingbacks which only leaves me to find something interesting to place here and I have chosen a picture of one of the funniest magicians ever, the remarkable Tommy Cooper, together with a link to You Tube. Enjoy!

 Image result for tommy cooper



https://onedailyprompt.wordpress.com/2019/03/02/your-daily-word-prompt-magic-march-2-2019/

Friday, 1 March 2019

Appease.


This is a very quick post prompted by the Word of the day challenge Appease which reminded me of Neville Chamberlain and his attempt to appease Hitler prior to the Second World War.

The photo below depicts his return from Germany on 30th September 1938 when he gave his speech, I have in my hand a piece of paper from Heir Hitler.


Often miss quoted he said, "Peace for our time." It was not to be and on 3rd September 1939 he gave the following speech.

"This morning the British Ambassador in Berlin handed the German Government a final note stating that, unless we heard from them by 11 o'clock that they were prepared at once to withdraw their troops from Poland, a state of war would exist between us."

"I have to tell you that no such undertaking has been received and that consequently this country is at war with Germany."