Saturday 28 July 2018

How to negotiate brexit.

I keep thinking we have got the wrong end of the stick with our pitiful attempts to negotiate brexit and perhaps we might have more luck if we changed tack a little.

Next time we go to discuss the matter with the EU, ask them the very simple question, "HOW DO YOU INTEND TO SELL YOUR GOODS TO US IN THE FUTURE?" Immediately after asking the question, leave the negotiating table and come home.

When next we meet ask, "WHAT IS YOUR ANSWER TO OUR QUESTION?"

There are three possible outcomes, they stand looking dumbstruck and say nothing, they continue being rude to us, or they come up with an answer.


We persist with this strategy until they come up with a workable solution, for I'm sure they do actually want to sell us their goods, no matter how much they give the impression that they don't.

Thursday 26 July 2018

The hot weather.

This is going to be a very short blog.

I've had enough, I can't take any more, it's too bloody hot.

If I was designed for this sort of weather I would be a camel.

I'm led to believe their is some rain coming at the weekend which hopefully will lower the temperature, I can't wait.

However I don't want a monsoon, nor for it to last for forty days and forty nights, just enough to get back to the normal British summer where it is slightly warmer than usual.

I don't want to sound like I'm over dramatising the situation, but I'm loosing the will to live.

Thank you, rant over, I'm feeling a little better now, thank you doctor!

Thursday 19 July 2018

Interesting hotel in Weybridge in Surrey.

Just found a really interesting hotel in Weybridge in Surrey, it's called Hand and sword, it was originally built by Lord King who when the railway arrived realised the potential of the building and converted it into a hotel.

Later when Hugh Locke King, the man who built Brooklands inherited the hotel it was used by the Bentley Boys when they were racing at the circuit.

Really quirky look to the rooms and has got very good reviews, I'm staying there in September when I'm going to a Concours event at Hampton Court Palace.

Monday 16 July 2018

Thorpe Park.

I had the misfortune to go to Thorpe Park yesterday, it was I hasten to add not my choice of venue but was selected by our children and grandchildren.

I had purchased a considerable amount of food, drink and other goodies as we were told that we would be able to have a picnic which would pass some of the time whilst the wife and I were waiting for the younger members of our party to finish their rides and could then spend the rest of the day reading a book until it was time to come home.

Upon arrival we had to queue for what seemed like an eternity in the baking hot sun, to then arrive at security where my bottle of Champagne was confiscated which was not a very good start to the day to say the least.

Moving inside we endeavoured to find the picnic area but it seems they don't have one, so after initially sitting on the first benches we came across which were unfortunately in the baking hot sun again, the youngsters left us to enjoy the rides.

Some time later they came back to inform us they had found somewhere better and out of the sun, much to our relief, unfortunately the seating arrangement left something to be desired as it was in fact, a rock on the main thoroughfare but at least there was a modicum of shade from a small tree.

This was the venue for our picnic which turned out not to be the sophisticated soiree I had originally intended and some seven hours later we finally left the park.

Now I don't know how many of my readers will have spent seven hours sitting on a very uncomfortable rock on a baking hot day, but I can tell you this was not the best day of my life by a very large margin.

I didn't take any photographs of our day but have managed to find an image on the internet which I think portrays my day at Thorpe Parke.

 Image result for images of hell

Wednesday 11 July 2018


Just recently there was some fuss made because a primary school was having a pride march and the parents were a little concerned, but it turned out they had made it a pride march into the differences between all the pupils at the school, some with two mums, some with two dads, some with a single parent and different races and creeds etc, which seemed like quite a good idea.

I was surprised when the television presenters were referring to the LGBTQ community as they seem to keep adding letters to what I remember as the Lesbian and Gay community. It now encompasses Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Q, which I have seen described as Questioning and Queer.

I'm led to believe the choice of the word queer is because it can be applied to any of the groups in LGBT and in all fairness, it is a rather splendid word in the English language.

I am very supportive of any of the aforementioned group, but unfortunately I have a sense of humour, so please forgive the following slightly tongue in cheek comment.

They already have LGBT, to which they have added Q, which is no use here on "Countdown" as there are no vowels at all, and the search for useful ones is not an easy task, but I am not one to give in easily. I therefore suggest the addition of the following, E for Effeminate, S for Shirt lifter, O for Oklahomo and B for Bum bandit. I'm not sure these are politically correct but I found them on a list of words to describe Gay on Wikipedia.

Those of you who do anagrams may see where this is going. So we already have LGBT to which they have added Q and I have suggested the addition of the letters ESO and B, we can then end up with an organisation which may have a slightly easier name to remember and still encapsulate all the groups of the original, I have put the original letters in bold type.


I know nowadays you have to be so careful not to offend anyone so I do apologise in advance, however I was triggered in the direction I took from another rather foolish acronym QUANGO which stands for Quasi- Autonomous Non-Governmental Organisation.

The English language, such fun to play around with!

Friday 6 July 2018

I don't want to grow old.

I do not want to grow old, I do not want to wear beige and grey clothing and wear cornish pasty shoes and arrive at the hospital blood test waiting room an hour before it opens.

I was reminded of this, when I arrived for my fasting blood test this morning, which is something I hate doing, especially in this baking hot weather for you are allowed nothing to eat or drink, except water for ten hours before the test. Gagging as I was last night for a lager I had to stiffen my resolve, bite the bullet and settle for water, not one of my favourite beverages, for as W C Fields used to say, "I don't drink water, fish have sex in it."

The blood test centre opens at 8.30 in the morning and I had rushed to get there at 8.15 but even though it wasn't open there was a large crowd of older people already there, in fact when I took my ticket from the machine it was already at number 33. I know when you get older you don't need so much sleep, but these people must have been up all last night.

What is it that attracts older people to beige and grey, it seems that it is almost compulsory, along with the cornish pasty shoes. I imagine these people must have been at the cutting edge of fashion when they were young, beatnicks, teddyboys and the swinging sixties, Carnaby Street and all that goes with it and yet they must all enter an older persons clothing emporium and say to themselves, "That beige jacket would go lovely with my grey trousers," I wonder why? It seemed to take forever but eventually my number was called and I dashed in and gave my blood and having done the arithmetic was very impressed to see they averaged one person every one and a half minutes.

They could have got their average up a tad had the older folk moved a little quicker, for even armed with the cornish pasty shoes which must have given tremendous traction I felt they were not making best use of it and dawdled in as if they had all the time in the world, which I suppose they actually did have as they were retired and had nothing better to do with their time.

I'm always reminded of the great Tony Handcock and his brilliant sketch, "The blood donor," who asks when donating blood at the blood bank, "well, how much do you want?" The reply being, "a pint." To which Tony Hancock replies, "a pint, that's very nearly an armful."

Image result for Tony Hancock, the blood donor

Wednesday 4 July 2018

POP Connect Networking.

Yesterday I went to a meeting of POP Connect which is a networking organisation for local business people and contrary to what I had thought, I am a local business, at least I have the potential to be one.

I have two blogs, this one and The Diary of a Country Bumpkin, which I write on fairly regularly, which have the potential to attract advertising revenue, I have a play on The Wireless Theatre Company, Dulce Et Decorum Est Pro Patria Mori, and I have, at the moment five books available on Amazon  with three more in production.

The reason for joining POP Connect is to join up the products with the potential customers, which I have no idea how to do but am hoping that in the future someone will assist me in that regard.

My aversion to networking and any form of corporate goings on stems from the fact that I have never in my life taken part in any form of corporate event and never networked as far as I know, as all too much of it quite frankly looks like bullshit, the following which I came across on Arsebook being a prime example.

First opened in 1865, The Railway Arms is something of a Saffron Walden institution and a pub close to the hearts of many in the local area. Situated in a high footfall location on the edge of the town centre, the site is ideally positioned to appeal to commuters and affluent local residents alike. Following the extensive planned refurbishment, there will be a real opportunity to attract the affluent local population by introducing a premium drinks range and a distinctive, targeted food offer.
This is an ideal opportunity for retailers who have the skillset to drive a premium, community, drinks led business. The ability to introduce a relevant food offer and create engaging reasons to visit is essential. Applicants must also have a strong understanding of marketing to drive awareness of the improvements to the property and retail offer.

I'm rather guessing that all this corporate talk actually means, they are looking for someone to run the pub.

I can do this networking lark, I'm not going to let the sort of nonsense above put me off, for as the motto of the RAF says, Per Ardua Ad Astra, through adversity to the stars.