Wednesday 25 April 2018

The new gardener.

Due to my great advancing years, the fact that I am writing two blogs and am in the middle of publishing three children's books and really have become sick to death of gardening, we acquired some three weeks ago a fellow who professed to be a gardener.

The first time he came, he was late, but blamed his late arrival on the fact that someone had stolen his strimmer and then proceed to spend the next half an hour putting the new one together, which caused the wife to comment, "perhaps he should be doing this in his time and not ours." To which I had to agree, as I too was somewhat taken aback by his rather casual attitude to work.

He mowed the lawn at the front of the house and then dug up a small flower bed, having managed to drink two cups of coffee which necessitated stopping work for some considerable time to consume both of them and then informed us he had finished his days work and left with eighty five pounds cash.

Having agreed rather sheepishly that he should return in three weeks time, he duly arrived again this morning and promptly had a cup of coffee before setting about the lawn at the front of the house, which hardly needed doing as I had cut it myself only three days prior to this. His skills as a gardener were beginning to look a bit thin on the ground, as he completed the task having not cut the edges or picked up the grass trimmings which had dropped in the flower beds.

His efforts at the front of the house must have been a little too taxing for him as he asked for another cup of coffee, no doubt to enable him to regain his strength whilst he sat down in his van and made phone calls.

Enlivened by his rest and coffee break he then spent the next twenty minutes filling his hedge trimmer with petrol and eventually started to attempt to cut the hedge, having informed us that he would be unable to complete the task before he had to leave, so would complete the job next time.

I have never seen anyone manage to take so little from a hedge using a professional hedge trimmer, I could have cut more off with a pair of nail scissors and was wondering if this was a case of work expanding to fill the amount of time allotted for it's completion or just complete and utter incompetence.

My presence was required elsewhere so I had to leave for half an hour or so and was somewhat amazed upon my return to find the gardener had left as he also had to be somewhere else, I can only assume the rigours of his three hours of work had so exhausted him, that he had to return to his home to have a lay down in a dark room.

Having discussed the matter with my wife we have both come to the conclusion that we need to search for a replacement gardener, hopefully one who might manage to complete a days work, without too many coffee breaks and also one who has the ability to actually do the job.


  1. haha, I feel you, wish you find a hard working gardener :)

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