Tuesday 28 August 2018

Something from the archives.

I have been a little busy lately so I found something from the archives.
I’ve just come home, my best friend has just died, it’s hard not to cry, I loved her, I really loved her.
We’d been together for seventeen years, I don’t know what to say, seventeen years is a hell of a long time with anyone.
It’s funny, when we first met I thought she was far too aloof, too stand offish, I had no idea we’d become so close, so inseparable.
We shared everything together, the good times, the bad, I hadn’t realised how much she supported me, I feel so desperately alone.
Whenever I was depressed or fed up I would talk to her and she would listen in that knowing way of hers and somehow things would always seem better, God I miss her.
I took it for granted she’d always be there, silly really, I knew she was ill but you always hope for the best thinking it will be alright.
When I woke this morning and she wasn’t next to me I knew something wasn’t right, I hadn’t realised how ill she’d become, she always bore everything so bravely.
Instinctively I jumped out of bed calling to her but when I found her collapsed in the loo something told me this was the end, not that I wanted to admit it.
She was taken in straight away but I knew in my heart it was too late, I hated to see her in pain not knowing what was going on, there should be more dignity in death.
I suppose there is dignity in death at the final moment when you let go, it’s the bit before that hurts so much, especially when you’re a helpless onlooker.
All you can do is stroke their head, or reach out to them, not knowing if they know you’re there, but praying they do.
They did everything they could but in the end she just quietly went to sleep, I actually had to ask, ‘has she gone’.
I cried my eyes out all the way home, people must have thought I was mad, but who cares.
The house seems so empty, so strangely quiet, I hadn’t realised how someone’s physical presence could make so much noise, especially someone who used to meow so quietly.
I’m going to put her in the garden now, it’s still her home, always will be.
Goodbye Lionella, I love you, I always will sweetheart, sweet dreams.

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