Friday 9 February 2018

Members of Parliament code of conduct.

It seems Members of Parliament are to be given a code of conduct, which leaves me somewhat surprised and I have to wonder what calibre of person are we electing that they would need a code of conduct for the work place?

At this point I have to insert a warning for the benefit of the snowflakes, the outraged females or males, the gay, bi-sexual, transgender and lesbian, the generally over sensitive and any other groups of the population who I  have omitted who may take offence, that the following article may contain words of a sexual nature.

One would have hoped that most of the Members of Parliament would have had a reasonable education with which to equip themselves for the job, long gone are the days when a working class hero was elected from a down trodden mining village, short on education and manners. Having said that I think they may have been quite good with the manners as they knew their place in the old days, so the doffing of their cap to a better would have been second nature, even if they may have left a little coal dust on the furniture when sitting down, although obviously not in the presence of a lady.

I'm guessing that the modern code of conduct will contain useful information, for example, don't come into the office and grab your female assistant by the breasts and utter the phrase,"What ho, Dorris and how's your day been so far." Whereas the previous advice in the bad old days would probably have been, remember to warm your hands first.

Leering at a young female intern with your hand down your trousers in a suggestive manner will also be frowned upon in the modern politically correct culture.

The same type of rules will apply when it involves two men, it's not going to be considered cricket to grab a young male employee by the waist and whisper in his ear, "I hadn't realised you were quite so muscular, Robert, I'd love to see you naked." Together with, "I have a conference in Brighton at the weekend Robert and I am taking you as my assistant, I have booked a double room, I'm sure that's ok with you?"

Threatening someone with a visit to the Whip's office is permissible as long as it's just a dressing down from the chief Whip and doesn't involve any sadomasochistic acts much as the phrase,"a visit to the chief Whip" may suggest it.

It will be frowned upon for any person to harass, harry, torment, persecute, annoy, bother, disturb, or in any way upset fellow workers, grabbing a colleague by the throat and shouting in a violent fashion will be deemed a sack-able offence.

Long gone will be the practice of having sex in the stationary cupboard and about time too I say, I tried it once and would not recommend it, having, in a moment of passion, nearly stapled a vital part of my anatomy to the cupboard door.

These are just a few suggestions from me which could go in the code of conduct, I can't wait to see the list of sexual perversions the MP's themselves think should be in the book, oh yes, I haven't mentioned bestiality.

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